The Foundation of Childhood Feeding: Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility in Feeding

If you’ve ever felt like meals with your child are a battle — over vegetables, “just one more bite,” or whether dessert was “earned”—you’re not alone. One of the most helpful tools I share with families is the Division of Responsibility in Feeding, developed by Ellyn Satter, a registered dietitian and family therapist. It’s a simple, clear framework that brings structure to feeding while respecting your child’s appetite and preferences...think autonomy but with guardrails! Here’s how it works, and why it can make such a difference.

What is the Division of Responsibility in Feeding?

The Division of Responsibility (or sDOR) helps clearly define "jobs" at meal times. Ellyn Satter breaks down the who does what when it comes to feeding. It divides the roles between the parent and the child:

• Parent’s job is to decide what, when, and where food is offered.

• Child’s job is to decide whether or not to eat, and how much.

It sounds simple but this structure gives kids the freedom to listen to their hunger cues, while still providing them with the reliable boundaries they need from you.

Parent Job: Loose Structure Without Pressure

Your job isn’t to convince, bribe, or beg your child to eat certain foods. It’s to:

• Plan and prepare meals and snacks (nothing fancy! keep it simple!)

• Offer a variety of foods (yes, even the ones they often reject!)

• Consider your child's preferences without overly catering and enabling

• Serve food at regular times in a calm setting, ideally at the table, not in the car or while chasing them with a spoon

• TRUST your child to eat what and how much they need at the meals and snacks you provide

When parents stick to their lane, mealtimes feel more predictable and less stressful for everyone.

Your Child's Job: Trusting Their Body

Here’s where it can feel hard, especially if you’re worried about nutrition: Your child gets to choose whether and how much they eat from what you’ve offered. And that means sometimes they’ll eat very little (or only their favorite carb) and that’s okay.

Most children are born with the ability to regulate their hunger and fullness. When we allow them to do their job without pressure, they’re more likely to stay in tune with their bodies and develop a healthy relationship with food (and their bodies) over time.

Trusting your child sets them up for a lifetime of eating competence. You will not be present at every meal telling them to eat their broccoli!

Why This Matters

Feeding your kids isn’t just about nutrition. It’s about building trust, fostering independence, and creating a low-pressure environment where kids can learn to enjoy all kinds of foods, flavors, textures and eating environments. The Division of Responsibility provides a calm, consistent structure that encourages that learning to happen.

If mealtimes feel like a struggle, you’re not failing. You might just need a shift in approach. This approach can change everything!

How Sonoma Family Feeding Can Help

Glynnis Storm RD, CSP helps support and educate parents and caregivers in understanding more about where feeding behavior and nutrition challenges are stemming from. Once you have a good understanding of parent and child jobs in feeding, it is easier to step back and assess what is happening during meals at your home. Glynnis will not be telling you to make 5 course meals, eat meals at the same time every day, etc. She will bring you a realistic, empathetic approach to support you and your family master the division of responsbility in feeding.

Recommended Resources:

• The Ellyn Satter Institute (ESI)

• Feeding with Love and Good Sense Booklets (The first two years or 18 months through 6 years)